angriness

Theres a feeling thats been missed for some time cropping up. Forgot the slippery slope. Yes, while fun and exciting the notion of a togetherness is, even the notion begets suffering of desire. Do I or dont I think or do or call or act. Guess is that acting will happen no matter what, as she is around a bunch. Its nice to imagine a simpler original version of the relationship. Classic, technical term meaning knowledge of one another, with slight consideration of attraction only. Theres no going back to that. It will be putting off a decision as long as I can stand. So that I know. I dont now know what to do, and the lack of intentionality is getting sticky. Cant imagine the annoyance of seeing her with another. I could deal though. I could, though there is a worst case that dealing wouldnt include friends and fun remaining. Two options, together and married, or together and then broken up. Both bad. Plan B, no move made, she wont be single long, then I get to see what it feels like.

As if shes going to motherfucking hit it off with somebody and stick with them for years. Fools rush in, ICE COLD. What of the fact that she should expect the same amount of attention? We have no contract, and I think we both know that this cant work like this for too long. There is tension. Giving into that tension appears like an orgasm itself. Brief ecstasy followed by bondage. Ive not been myself long enough to risk delusion at this point. A corner of my life has been turned this very month, its a good time to keep things simple. Unfortunately this fun is going to be short lived. Half a person I am not yet. Habdashery. Craptacular. Asshat.