About Me
- Name: Kabber
Struggling to come to terms with a setting I thought I had come to terms with before a couple of times. I thought.
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I cant take it no more really though. Print it so as not to think it no more. Mayhap help those round do done the same.
Sunday, June 11, 2006
My mother is dying at about 58. My girlfriend of about 7 months and I just broke up. Spending time with your close family curtails many activites, but I suppose its better that way. Hard to imagine what I would be doing otherwise. People come over again and again prepared to see mom for the last time. Normally I see things around me and think of how they could be done better, but this process seems to be going the best way it can. My mom has lots of friends, more than I think most people, especially people in my generation. I suppose it’s a comfort. It passes the time at least, preventing me from spending whole days sitting there crying while I hold her feet. One day after breaking a relationship off you are so aware of the absence. The strings that bound you, promting resistance to call or go over, gone. You to float a bit. Lonely for once in so long. Its so easy to think of the comfort. So nice to imagine calling and saying all these nice things now that you see more the positive sides of the interaction. She was such a comfort. Concentrate on what did not work though. Though it was amicable, a week is still the most sensible at least. Before I can mention that Im ok, I hope shes ok. Subtle fear that she will go out and touch people. Cant help it, and I doubt she is inclined to do so anyway. We lacked the respect for each other needed to continue. Some connection was lost, though there was still some crazy timing between us, she doesn’t realize. Maybe that’s just something that can happen with people you are in tune with, and perhaps there are many people you can be in tune with. Guess I will see in time. I miss her though, that’s for sure. The computers are broken and I cant think. My boss said I can take time off work and Im not sure how to. Im seeing a trained psychological type person this week for the first time ever. I can only wonder what that is like. Its nice to tell people about your troubles though. Seems to release some of their import. For what though. For what do I do. So that I can try to do good work I guess.
nonstop nonthought calibrates the done man for tomorrow. Eyes closed to breath.
