angriness

how does it feel to be half a man again? Feels like a blue stick in the wind on concrete. Says my name over and over but theres no response. I can be here, I just cant think like this. I mean if she was here and there was joy, what still would there be. What it is what it is. Got some required reading to do. Feel like theres some things to forget for a while. forget that you had a chance to do good things. forget that there was too much time spent on the evening. Hater for the ages. the logic swap of a while ago yielded some coincidental benefit. There were spatio temporal changes in the way I see two eyes worth of the world. Im charged up now. High on nicotine cessation each evening. Then get back into buts for two days. then back. Insano modulo. Girl said she puked just to have the control. I sell control in a bottle. Prices are rising. Small cartell for your to seethe about. Production induction innervation. Spelled how and for what. A thought was that like mom I can think about my deary not ever writing me back in terms of the good things. She said just think about the good times before she stopped.

There is a possibility that it would help to say no to missing her daily. Could say no. Like you have control ishtard. Wheres your bar set. How big is it. Its this big. Its like that. Its like what if I was to be painting rooms in Gaithersburg. Paint another room. No I dont do taxes. Lost my point that was this. If you feel like your lonely and you want to find a woman, consider how many there are out there. There are many. ok so now consider how you might go about finding the best one. First thing up is not getting too heavy anywhere. But I want needy wanton needy how. Sure you do and does everybody else. Doesnt matter if your clean in the thought process that says Im getting myself ready for big game here and I certainly wont be inclined to do so if I give up now and get a little hunt on. Besides which I have figures to dry lab. That means fabricate. But I mean in the good way, like model drawing. Draw me a model and I still see her in it, bundle of joy. Its more like a glow even. I should think this is not what it feels like when you lose something you must have. What if some people musnt have anything. Could be.

Whats separating me from the mof that I was thinking like few years back is distraction by randoms. I was all in before and given the opportunity it looks like Ive gotten started on getting back.

Cant believe that I made it this far without cadance weapon. Likely friends on either coast will survive me though the turmoil. Cant believe 1) she hasnt written me back 2) its only been ten
strange days 3) Im gonna repeat profesional methods that didnt work.

Rotating though impressions such as Im really good or Im a really dark turd with greater rapidity than would allow for caring. Just cycle though over and over. Im not as weak as I was when i wrote about this situation last. I mean two years ago. Ishtar long its been. Thank you blogger for the valve. My standard was not set high enough then before when back and forth, hating and wanting to help her. Couldnt let go. I dont quit much easily. Has something to do with never losing if you never give up. If it fails you still say oh that could have been good. No I dont play stocks.
I do play professional project though and Im going to be lead on a team of one in a little bit. Guess I was already supposed to be but now Im in RD phase. And on top of that right actual now Im taking a break because Im going to hate the shit out of all these topics if I dont disconnect a little bit. Hating so badly the people I have to see all the time. preventing me from thinking about some bullshit that I play I have to think about. Sometimes cant just be a regular person. Hello other people. Ha ha how are you. Blah sweet blah. Not until rest is got or a task gets done. Glutton for punishment was told to me once by a big man. Am I? Appears to be so. And what for. I like to think that I get to be unparalleled by coming out of left field oll the time. And that means thinking about things a little differently. Truthfully whatever it takes to get you to like your shit that you do all the time is prety key for me.
Meaning today I went someplace novel during rush hour not knowing that rush hour was for real. Like we all stop moving? I was mad at every mother out there for tolerating this on a regular basis. People at work talk about it though. Where to live. How much to commute. I think in terms of ideals because if I deal with the fact that I cant talk to my father I will stop dying half the time. Punch you in the soul if I open this mouth up. Thats somehow been the effect. How and why? Or caring not about how and why nut only determining what needs to functionally be done. Food and rest and regular best. Trying. Im trying to stop hating on the good old girl. Felt randomly fulfilled tonight by warmth and organization and workout to remember thats how I felt when I was going to see her. Made a space like nonother in this world. Rememory avenues, watch me a sign. How couldve development entered that space. Accept it like rain and winter, death.

Like daily know go get a new one it says. Cant help but have the argument fourteen times. Why didnt you see this loss coming. Why didnt you prepare yourself better. Can this be weathered any better. Constant consideration of the alternative. Ditchless. Was being together because I wanted to and so did she. God hope so. So there it was not finally, but only bitten when communication stops. Truly bitten. The one thing I didnt want to give up, nor understood why it had been. So surprised to be surprised every day. She was serious. Diznam. Valiam. Can surprise still be surprise over days. Can a month of surprise educate you in retrospect. Damn I didnt really like things like that did I. Back to the old, do you respect people enough to tell them that they are wrong, or do you respect them enough to not tell them they are wrong. The logic is still there. The illogic was dumped to workstyle. Aint got to do no work just yet. Waves loom for years before crashing. Water falls.